Reducing Parenting & Grand-parenting Friction by opting for a middle ground.

What is the first instinct that comes to your mind when someone says, ‘triangle relationship in a family”. The common answer is the father-mother-child relationship. On the contrary, only a handful of us think beyond this line and connect the dots of the parent-child-grandparent triangular relationship of a family. There are countless studies and supporting statistics that attest to the importance of the social and emotional development of a family through positive parenting. What isn’t always addressed is the positive impact of this triangular relationship, i.e., the parent-child-grandparent relationship.

Families have different kinds of relationships with varying dynamics and foundations for each. It is important to address ‘Family’ as a system and look at it as a whole picture and not as an individual’s progress. This triangle relationship in a family is a blend of three different generations, that has faced and handled the struggles of life in different ways. Each generation has its own perspective and approach to life. It is when the parenting and Grandparenting styles of upbringing clash, friction penetrates. Unfortunately, and unintentionally the child also suffers the consequences of the same.

Parents feel they are constantly questioned and judged about their approach. Grandparents feel they are disregarded for their years of experiences are neglected. They feel that their style of upbringing is overlooked. When such silent feelings and vibes begins to pierce the relationships in a family, the friction becomes unpleasant and at times leading to disturbing quarrel.

The truth is, one cannot ignore or completely run away from this triangular relationship. To tackle this, all the three fragments of the family system must walk in a middle path connected with love and respect. Sharing a few best practices to condense the generation clash in a family:

• Communication is the Key: A cautious effort to ‘never assume’ needs to be adopted as a family. An explicit and open communication of expectations of all the three parties must be encouraged. Every parent has his or her own parenting style and wants a groom their kid in a particular manner. Clear communication removes the conflict of approaches. Remember, as parents, your way of looking is dynamically opposite to the way your parents would approach. In short, communication is the key to cut friction.
• Offering Space in Upbringing: In a family of triangle relationships, it is important to give leverage and space to grandparents. Grandparents must be given space to show their experience and learning, and help in the upbringing of the child. You got to let some things slide.
• A Discussion Platform: Most of the time it’s the grandparents who feel left out. Hence it is important to make them feel inclusive in the family. Get them involved in discussions, and not retain them as a mere babysitter for your children. You never know, opening a discussion platform can give you different ideas and approaches to groom your child.
• Finding Middle Ground: Let’s get it straight. Our expectations will not always be satisfied. Hence it is important to find a middle ground, where all the three dots of this triangle are connected with comfort and warmth. This middle path is the only way to reach harmony in a family. Finding a middle ground comes with experience and maturity.
• Understanding the Needs: We must always consider, respect, and appreciate the generational differences. We have to adhere to changing the roles, responsibilities, and expectations of each generation. The grandparents’ way of parenting, and parent’s way of parenting their children has a massive gap due to the changing needs of the era and societal expectations. Hence, it is important to sit down and explicitly have an open discussion to understand the needs of the present time.

No matter which era it is, parenting is an imperfect and continuous learning process. This becomes harder with greater responsibilities of the professional and personal commitments. The best a grandparent can do is to offer the possible physical support and share their wisdom to bring up the next generation. This support system cannot be ignored and should be appreciated by the parents. Let each other know that they are doing a good job! A family that is groomed with communication and appreciation is sure to lead a life filled with love and warmth.